This is funny t.co/MkxVglPeH… damn #clickbait

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

“Whoa, what’s in this vault…ahhhhh!” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes #PowerRangers t.co/TxtXYkpIY…

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

Nope, going to the moon didn’t cure my crippling fear of space. #WorseMoonLandingQuotes

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

This is better than a moon-bounce! #WorseMoonLandingQuotes

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

“Aw man, it’s not cheese.” #WorseMoonLandingQuotes

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

@marcmaron @normmacdonald That was a really fun episode.

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

John C. Beck, author of Good vs Good — Count to ten when a plane goes down… t.co/rq6DxeNYC… this is a good story

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

5 Amazing Performances by Actors Who Weren’t Acting (Part 4) | t.co/DWU02gEgG…

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

I decided to split the difference and cover it with my shirt.

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

I’m on the subway and just realized my fly is prominently unzipped. Do I fix it now and draw attention, or wait until I get home?

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”

#douglasadams

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

RT @GeorgeTakei: Troll trolling at its best. t.co/krBk5crVb…

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

Better Living Through Chemistry apparently doesn’t apply to meth.

Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…

In line to see Ratliff and Woods at #ucb #Improv

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

I want to see @SteveMartinToGo to star in a movie based on his twitter persona. And maybe not make him a dad this time.

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

How To Win Friends And Influence People is a weird title. It’s like friends are a prize at a carnival. “Throw a dart and win a friend!” #wtf

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

Do you think every other hobbit was pissed that The Hobbit wasn’t about them? #lotr

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

I want to see #MontyPythonLive in theaters so bad. It’s all sold out! Watching listings closely t.co/n8f6qHDc0…

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

How often do you see a T-Rex playing bass on top of the world? #dinosaurs #bestthingever #art t.co/uMy9Ncup1…

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

“The only way to the top of a mountain is through the bottom of the sea.” #almostprofound #quotes

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

If burning sticks competed in a pairing game, it would be a match match match. #puns

Original post: <twitter.com/chrisjohn…>

If #gameofthrones got action figures, each would have to be a double pack with their corpse.

Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…

Julie Andrews says, just before shooting a Nazi, “You’re not one of my favorite things” #grittyreboot

Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…

The term “Banana Republic” makes me hungry.

Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…

Sometimes I forget that the “to be or not to be…” soliloquy is contemplating suicide. #Shakespeare

Original post: twitter.com/chrisjohn…